In four days (or less), our family of three will have been expanded to a family of four. I still, even after 9 months of pregnancy, can’t really wrap my head around it. Even as we have been preparing and spending these last few weeks trying to soak up every moment we have with Jack as an only child, the reality of our second boy’s arrival is tough to grasp.
It seems as though this pregnancy has gone by in the blink of an eye. With Jack, the newness of experiencing everything, learning how my body was changing, and the sheer fear of the change we were going to experience made everything crawl at a snails pace. Having three months at home between quitting my job and his arrival certainly didn’t help time go faster. This time, it seems, has been the complete opposite. Between chasing a toddler around, a part-time job, and juggling The Fuzzy Robot, time has seemed to escape us. Didn’t I just find out I was pregnant? How is it that my belly is now even larger than it was when I was fully pregnant with Jack?? How is it that in just four short days I will have yet another little one demanding my attention?
As I look to Wednesday morning, I’m trying not to have anxiety. I’m trying to remember that we can do this… we can bring life into this world, we can provide for him, we can love on him, we can raise him to be an amazing man (hopefully). We have done this before. But it’s so hard not go into this with the memories of the hard times… the late nights, the exhaustion, the crying, etc. Instead I should be remembering the joys as well, the soft skin, the baby smell, the sweet sighs, yawns, sneezes… everything so tiny. Everything so new. I’m trying not to worry over how Jack will react, or how I will be able to juggle both of them. I need to push the worry away.
I feel as though this child has been a second thought, that his arrival hasn’t been as celebrated as Jack’s, which I’m sure is pretty normal when there is a 2-year-old that needs attention. I feel a tad awful about that. We haven’t had to do much preparation – most of what we need for this baby we already had. My pregnancy has really been a dream – very smooth with no problems, so it’s been easy to forget about. I don’t want his birth to be a second thought as well. I want/hope that my heart will burst with love for him just as much as it did when I first laid eyes on Jack. I cannot comprehend how I will be able to love both boys, how my heart will have enough room for the both of them, but I know deep down that it will. I need to stop expecting the hard, and instead start anticipating the miracle, the love, the joy. And so, from this moment forward, I choose expectation instead of worry. I choose joy instead of anxiety. I choose wonder instead of fear. And when the moment comes, my heart will stretch to fit this new, little life.
Sweet baby boy, I can’t wait to lay my eyes on you, to cuddle you in my arms. I pray that you will feel loved by us for the rest of your life, that we can help you to see how incredible you are. Our lives will be so much better with you in it.
I could have totally written this post whn I was pregnant with our second son! I can 100% relate. But now I have an 11 month old and a 2.5 year old and I can assure you all of those worries melt away when you are staring at your babies! Your feelings are so normal! But you have no need to stress.
This is beautiful. You capture the feeling pretty perfectly. We can’t wait to meet him!
I love these photos. I remember going through what you are going through. Everything will work out.
Good luck with everything. Can’t wait to see photos of him.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Nick Maestas, The Fuzzy Robot. The Fuzzy Robot said: Here's what I'm thinking about as we wait for baby to arrive: http://thefuzzyrobot.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/i-choose-wonder/ [...]
Hello Jenny,
You have never met me, but I went to college with Nick. Your blog post brought back a flood of memories. I know exactly what you’re going through, as I felt it right before I gave birth to our second little man. Definitely trust your mommy instincts, because they are going to be right on as soon as you birth that second prince. I thought to myself, will I be able to love both of my boys evenly and how can I possibly love anyone more than my first? It just all falls into place once you hear that first cry and look into those precious newborn eyes.
Anyway, I wish you only the best during your upcoming delivery. I will be stalking Nick’s page for pictures.
Leyna
I echo the thoughts and sentiments of these other women, too. I had the same worries as we’ve had each child.
Also, this baby and his experiences will never be the same as Jack’s. Don’t compare them, it’s not fair to anyone. Each child God gives us has his or her own place in this world and in our families. There are advantages and disadvantages to each position in the family, all of which we, as parents, can’t do much about. It just is how it will be.
Each day has enough worries of its own. God loves each of your boys more than you ever will and put them in your family at the appointed time, in the appointed order, with their appointed parents.
Rough days are ahead, they always are with a newborn. But they’re also so wonderful. You’re right, the wonder far outweighs all the other stuff!
I love you, friend. We’ll be praying for you.
Trisha
PS – I have loved the middle of the night with my newborns more with each successive child. It’s quiet and they’re sweet and I can hold them and be with them without the other kids. I never thought I would say I loved the middle of the night feedings, but they really do take on a sweetness because it’s alone quiet time with the baby. Enjoy them, even through the haze of sleeplessness.